28 January 2009
I feel like I am becoming me. This may not make sense to any of you, but I am feeling more confident in just being me. I am finding out who "me" is and what I can do and what I want to do. I have this urge to spend time with girls who are younger than me. I have no idea why, but it's been on my heart for a while. I want to pay off my camera and then start actually being able to save money to do things that I could want to do later on down the road. I am more confident that people don't just think I am a kid, and have found that people generally don't mind hearing me out and listening. I think that I am starting to be able to get a handle on the fact that I don't have to settle for less than what I deserve. I am finding out that I can handle more pressure and responsibility in my job than I thought I would be able to. I can do things without procrastinating, although I still do sometimes. I can survive being home alone and not die of loneliness. I am able to say what I want to say better than I have before, and let people know how I feel. I can feel pain and disappointment, but I can function without letting it ruin my day. I still get frustrated with bad drivers, and I hate walking past smokers and breathing in the crap they just exhaled, and I feel sorry for myself more often than I should. But I am learning that I can demand the respect of an adult and not get pushed around like a kid, and that I can be taken seriously.