I realized something after talking to Heath. How hard it really must be for parents to let their children go. To let them grow up and go to college, to work somewhere, and to get married. So often I find myself reminiscing about my childhood. I remember so many things. He and I were talking and he mentioned how the first five or six years of our lives we don't worry about anything or think deeply about any kinds of problems. We have no cares because we know that our parents are there. We know that they keep us safe and provide for all of our needs. We are free to play and shovel water around the yard and to swirl around in our kiddie pool. How short a time it seems to have been since I was that way. I can remember every detail as if I was there just a moment ago. I can smell the slightly mildewy odor of the kiddie pool when Mom first took it out of the garage. I can feel the squish of wet St. Augustine grass under my bare feet and feel the soft warmness of the new Summer sun on my skin. If these things seemed to fly by for me, they must have seemed like mere seconds to my parents.
Now I did have another thought. Today as I was sitting here at home trying to get rid of this cold I picked up, I decided "to heck with picking up my room and making sure everything is tidy. I have been needed to take some time just to do something for myself." To do something that I love. I decided to create a piece of artwork. I relinquished all of the pressures of making it look good for anyone in particular. I quieted my inner critic and dove in. Somehow my thoughts turned to my current state of happiness. To be honest, I have felt quite cynical of myself lately. I began to think of when I was a child and how my feelings about my everyday life were different then. How I was joyful and played and danced and had innumerable ideas of things I could create. Where did that joy and love of life go? I wondered. I wanted it back.
That brings me back to the beginning of my story. As a child I depended on my parents and did not have to worry for anything. I was joyful and happy. As a grown person now, what keeps me from resting in my Heavenly Father in the same way? He has so much more power and ability to keep me fed and safe and content than the entire planet of parents combined! So where did I get to be an unhappy, cynical, griping adult with a too often negative outlook on life? Did I realize what was happening here?! I had bought a lie! The enemy has been doing his best to drag me down and make me believe that I am just an ordinary adult with an ordinary life that has responsibilities and could never possibly have the faith of a child. I have things much more important to hold onto like my job, my comforts, and even my family. I can grip everything so tightly that I choke God right out of it. Too often I don't let Him hold me, and I don't hold on to Him in return.
I am drawn inward again to think of my childhood. Back to the backyard in the floppy, vinyl kiddie pool my sister and I swam in. Back to the wet grass between my bare little feet. Back to the warm, summer sun on my skin and I remember something. I was at peace like only a child could be. I wasn't jaded by the "stuff" that happens in life yet. There were no bad experiences save fighting over a toy every now and then. I just waited to hear my Mom's voice calling me in for grilled cheese sandwiches or homemade pop-sickles and I trusted her with my whole heart. Just the way our heavenly Daddy wants us to trust Him. What a freeing thought!
I am reminded to let the Love of the Lord pour out in my life and to be who the Father created me to be. He made me creative, funny, thoughtful and inventive. So why keep all that inside? I need to be who the Lord created me to be to give Him the glory!
